Why is change so hard?

I have always been a good student. In school, I got good grades. I succeeded at almost everything I tried (except cheerleading in 8^th grade). When I attend seminars or conferences, I take great notes and review what I’ve learned. I come home with a plan and put things in place to improve whatever it was that needed improving. I’m really good at this kind of thing.

Except when it comes to changing things like my character, or habits, or beliefs, or emotions…

It’s not so easy in these areas. What gives? Why am I such a success at changing or improving tasks, numbers, organizational issues, and performance, but personal changes take sooo long?

I know I’m not alone in this!

I believe there are many answers for this dilemma.

1. Personal growth requires humility and the ability to acknowledge that you don’t have all the answers.
2. Personal growth involves looking at WHY we do the things we do, not just that we do them. If we understand why we do them, we can gain strength to change. If we just try to change without understanding why, we continue to do the same things over and over, we sabotage ourselves by returning to old patterns.
3. Character issues go back a long way and are set pretty firmly. It can feel like walking uphill in wet cement to change old patterns. Ever heard the term “set in his ways?”
4. It can be painful. When we look at the reasons we ignore reality, shut people out, use food, sex, shopping or drugs to avoid feeling, hurt people with our words rather than ask for our needs to be met, refuse to be vulnerable, we have to go back to where it all started. This is the reason the behavior started in the first place! Why would we want to go back there now?
5. When we try a new way of relating, or take a risk, or approach something with a new attitude, we are not guaranteed of different results. If we try something new and it doesn’t go well, it’s almost second nature to run back to our old ways of doing things.
6. Even though life isn’t working, it’s familiar. The pain of what we are doing needs to be more than the fear of trying something unknown.

So why even bother?

Because you deserve it! Because those you love deserve it! Character change impacts everyone in our circle positively for years to come. It’s hard. It can be painful. And it’s so necessary!

I want my family to see me as I know I can be, not as I have been and still am sometimes. I want them to know I cared enough about them to do the hard work so I don’t fly off the handle at them, or cause problems to escalate, or have my anxiety spew all over them.

Change is hard. Most things worth having are. I’m willing and I’m changing.

Please share your thought about this topic below!

This blog by Colorado Life Coach, Carrie O’Toole