That’s not what I meant…

You don’t understand…

But…

Have you ever felt this way? Have you ever felt totally misunderstood, misrepresented, unheard, slandered, or betrayed. I have. Many times. And then again last week.

It hurts. I hear myself protesting inside my head. The defensiveness starts. I want to explain. It’s not fair. It’s not even reality. And yet…there’s nothing I can do.

I reached out to someone I haven’t had a relationship with for several years. They needed help and I had a resource, so I offered it. They didn’t even notice that I tried to help.

The message screamed at me on facebook.

My character was assaulted. Wow! I have struggled with anxiety in the last decade and have made a lot of progress in this area over the last few years. The shakes in my stomach and chest returned with a vengeance. This felt so familiar! In fact, I was amazed at how quickly the feelings returned, as if I hadn’t made any progress in this area at all.

I wrestled with how to respond, if I should respond. What could I possibly say? I talked to my husband and my coach. I prayed. God answers prayer in the most interesting ways. Here’s what I saw posted on Facebook several times that day:

“When a gentleman is confronted by arguments that he considers foolish, he does not attempt to refute them with reason. Instead, he keeps silent knowing that logic is useless in the war against irrationality.” (From the book, As a Gentleman Would Say)

I pulled out one of my favorite books, Safe People, by Henry Cloud and John Townsend (I know, I’m weird). Here are the personal traits they list for people who are unsafe:

1. Unsafe people think they “have it all together” instead of admitting their weaknesses.

2. Unsafe people are religious instead of spiritual.

3. Unsafe people are defensive instead of open to feedback.

4. Unsafe people are self-righteous instead of humble.

5. Unsafe people only apologize instead of changing their behavior.

6. Unsafe people avoid working on their problems instead of dealing with them.

7. Unsafe people demand trust instead of earning it.

8. Unsafe people believe they are perfect instead of admitting their faults.

9. Unsafe people blame others instead of taking responsibility.

10. Unsafe people lie instead of telling the truth.

11. Unsafe people are stagnant instead of growing.

I have been an unsafe person. I still can be when I feel defensive or want to prove I’m right. I have been in relationship with many unsafe people, and it’s not a good place to be.

And, I’m getting healthier. I can recognize unsafe people more quickly than before. The “red flags” are brighter and I have learned to trust my discernment in this area.

I still have to take the hurt to God. Last week, I told him how much it hurt, how unfair it was, how I know I can be proud, but in this case I wasn’t. In that way that he does, God comforted me. He loved me.

He understood.

And that’s the whole point. No matter how many people misunderstand me, misinterpret my intentions, hate me, blame me, betray me, slander me, or spit in my face, God understands.

He’s the one that matters.

Can you relate? Please share your thoughts below.

The post written by Colorado Life Coach, Carrie O’Toole