Change.

It happens all the time, whether we’re ready for it, or not.

Leaves turn and fall, winter hits (hard in Colorado), spring comes and flowers bloom, then summer heats up again.

Other things in life change all the time: Some with our approval, some not!

If you really wanted to change something about your life, how would you do it?

Sometimes we know we don’t like something.

We know what we don’t want.

But, figuring out what to do about it can be hard.

I mean, if you’ve always done it a certain way, and now you decide you don’t like the results you’re getting, it’s not so easy to change.

*The way you and your spouse handle disagreements or hurt feelings

*You cut people out of your life if they let you down once

*You parent using fear because it’s all you know

*You make poor choices about food on a daily basis

*You don’t take care of your health

*You can’t say “No,” so people take advantage of you

*You choose unhealthy people in relationships

We all have our things we’d like to change, but for some reason, they stay the same. Am I right?

So how do we change?

1. Acknowledge it. We’ve all heard the at the first step to changing, is recognizing that you need to change. Obviously, if we think something is just fine, we’re not going to mess with it! If change is hard, we certainly aren’t going out of our way to dig up things to work on. It’s painful! Just leave it alone! So many people get stuck here, and wonder why their lives don’t get better. Ever hear the saying, “Time heals all wounds?” It’s a lie. Time does NOT heal all wounds. In fact, left untreated over time, wounds fester and can kill a person. Let’s change that saying to, “Time, along with healing and growth, heals all wounds.”

2. Take responsibility. Does this mean everything that’s happened in your life is your fault? No. But we live in a society that loves everyone to be a victim. We have trouble taking responsibility when we feel wronged. The problem is, if we had absolutely no choice about whatever happened, we have no choice to heal. When we recognize that even when horrible things happen, we still have a choice: how we respond, how we heal, if we ask for help, if we keep it a secret, if we forgive, how we use the experience in the future. We will not grow or change when we live as victims. How do you know if you’re living like a victim? You explain, defend, give examples, prove your case. When you stop living like that, you can finally change and heal.

3. Seek help and take it. Through the years, I’ve met many people who say they want help, but when it comes to actually changing, they won’t do it. I’ve talked to many therapists and life coaches with the same experience. Clients pay them for a year, then they come to sessions and lie. They don’t take the advice of the counselor but they complain that life isn’t working for them. It’s one thing to ask for help. It’s another to take action with what you’ve learned.

4. Make change and growth part of your life. We fight change. We resist growth because it’s painful. We spend so much of our lives trying to avoid pain, but pain is part of being human. When we can accept that life is painful sometimes, and see this as normal, we can embrace that season of life when it comes. We don’t need to run away, medicate ourselves (alcohol, substances, sex, food, avoidance, etc), but we can embrace the pain, grieve and heal. A new season will begin when we do this. It’s part of life.

We get to choose. Choose to stay the same, or choose to heal and grow.

It’s painful to change, but as long as we’re still breathing, it’s inevitable.

I want to continue growing, healing, changing for the better! Who’s with me?

If you’d like help, click here!

This post written by Colorado Life Coach, Carrie O’Toole.